the hidden

As I walk the aisles of the grocery store

remains hidden beneath a pile of fresh produce.  Mushrooms, onions, oranges, lettuce, broccoli... they all lay atop it.  They mask

presence with their beautiful colors...

I push on.  Finding cheeses, whole grain breads, yogurt, healthy snacks...

At last it's time to check out and I push my tiny shopping cart into the waiting area, careful to place my canvas bag on top of it so that the checker won't accidentally use a paper or plastic bag on my purchase.

safe there. beneath the produce,  bread, cheese, yogurt and canvas bag.  No one knows

there.  My cheeks won't flush pink, I won't have to explain to K why I have

.

No one knows... except the checker who quickly whisks

away into the canvas bag when she sees what it is.  She's grown accustomed to me, I think.  She knows my habits now... and while it means that someone knows my dark secret... knows what lurks at the bottom of my shopping cart...  I can accept it.  She's complicit.  I'm not alone in my odd crime against nature anymore...  The shame is a little easier to bear when it's shared with another...

With

hidden in the canvas bag we start our walk home and smile as tiny drops of rain kiss our faces.  As soon as we're in the house I put away the groceries careful to take

out of the bag when K's back is turned... when she won't be able to ask questions.  Not knowing what else to do I stow

in the very back of our dark cabinet...  and we go about our day.

We made it home in plenty of time after all...

In time for us to share a healthy snack.  In time to get K's homework done.  In time to play and cuddle.  In time to giver her a bath complete with a sudsy Elvis impression.  In time to make a healthy meal.

Like a good responsible mama, one who isn't hiding a dark secret.

But now... it's the next day.  She's been up and at em... had her breakfast... gone off to school and I'm left home alone with

calling to me from the back of the cupboard.

knows we're alone.

knows I can't resist it.

cupcakes are sneaky little devils...