start making sense...

I seem to wander between nonsensical ramblings and topics that are really truly important to me.  Actually sometimes the nonsensical ramblings are important to me and that may indeed be the case today.

In November, for those of you who missed out on this little tidbit, my normal blood panel showed that my blood sugar was too high.  Not "Oh my god stick her in the hospital" freak out too high, but high enough that I got a call from my doctor's office the next day (the next day... how's that for prompt) telling me that I should cut all processed sugar and refined carbs from my diet.  I freaked.  I cried.  I felt really sorry for myself and mourned the loss of my beloved Cherry Coke.

I starved that first day.  Not because there was nothing in my house to eat, not even because there was nothing that I was allowed to eat... just because I was so upset that once again something was wrong with me.

I'll be 32 in March, I've never been overweight, I take good care of myself, I get plenty of rest and I've always eaten relatively healthily.  If you ignore the Cherry Coke that is.  But at 25 I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and we were not able to treat it through diet, exercise, stress reduction or even a combination there of.  I'll be on medication for my blood pressure for the rest of my life.  I did quite a bit of "oh poor me" even though I know that I'm lucky and that so many people have it so much worse than I do.

Over the years I learned to deal with it.  With the additional checkups, the yearly blood work, taking and refilling my prescription and the need to keep myself on an even keel.

But when my blood work came back and something else was wrong?  It sent me into a bit of a spiral.  I'm the first to admit that I was being overly dramatic about it.  It could have been nothing more than a fluke.  My doctor just wanted me to adopt healthier eating habits and come back a few months later for another blood test.  It didn't matter.  I became childishly irrational, convinced that there will just be another thing wrong with me at each turn.

I recalled the time we were first dealing with my blood pressure, I had to have an MRI to rule out blockages.  The blockages were ruled out, but of course he found other abnormalities.  Things that had to be monitored with a series of MRIs over a two year period of time.  Then there was my abnormal pap that had  me seeing my gynecologist every few months instead of once yearly.  That little foray ended with me out cold on an operating table.

I've started talking in circles... whining to you... sorry about that,  the point is it's a few months later.  It's February now and time for me to call my doctor's office to make and appointment.  To set up another blood test.  To see if that high blood sugar was just a fluke or if it's actually something to worry about.  I've done what I was asked to do, for the most part.  The processed sugars have been cut right out, and any simple carbs I eat regularly I have replaced with complex carbs except the rare occasion I indulge my love of sour dough.

And you know what?  I feel thankful that I've made this dietey change.  I've felt signifigantly better, healthier, have more energy...  but I'm still scared to find out what another blood test will show.

Gawwwd, I'm such a drama queen.