never enough, or how to make me feel completely inadequate

There's something that K really really really really really really wants.  Wants more than anything, ever.  She's pretty sure that her entire life will be incomplete without it.

She's said so.

"Mom!!!  If I don't have one then I will grow up all alone and I will have NO ONE."

That really is a quote.  I didn't make it up.  She has said that so many times I can't even begin to count.  I could make up a ridiculously high number like 17 million times, but she is so serious about it, it means so much to her... so I won't do that.

Now you should know that I'm not one of those parents that never says no.  I say no a lot.  I say no everyday.  I say no soooo often that I've created all new ways to say no just for the fun of it.

No is my friend.  I listened to Nancy Reagan on that whole "Just Say No" thing.  I really took it to heart.

No.  Nein.  Ne. Nej.  Nee.  Ei.  Nul.  Non.  Nem.  Tidak.  Le.  Nei.  Nu.  He.  Hayir.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  No way.

I like No.

Sometimes I say no just for the fun of it...  But this one thing she's asking for.  This one thing she wants so desperately... I hate saying no.  All the reasons she gives for wanting it are sound and just.  It isn't fair that she can't have it.  It's beautiful that she wants it.  It breaks my heart to pieces to hear no come out of my mouth.

It isn't ice cream or a pony.  It's not a mohawk or a naval piercing.  It's not another trip to Di$neyland (though I hate saying no to that too).  It's not a new car or a swimming pool.  She's not asking to wear lipstick or high heels.

K wants a little brother or sister.  That's something that, without outside resources, I can't give her.

sigh

I wonder if she'd settle for a robot.