lost and please don't let me find it....

In my younger days I would second guess myself at every turn.

I was never quite sure.  I could never quite decide. I could never make up my mind who I wanted to be.  How I wanted to be seen.  Just how much of me I could show to the world.

I was very self conscious.

So I went to extremes.

I dyed my hair.  Covered myself in tattoos.  Draped myself in dark clothing.  Wrote angsty death laden poetry.  Drank to excess.  Laughed too loudly. Spoke too much...

It was all me... it was just me to excess.  me to the tenth degree.  me cubed.

I thought that in order for me to know who I was everyone else needed to know too.  That they needed the

of me rubbed in their faces.  That they needed to know as I strolled down the street that I was Cami

.

Somewhere along the way I lost that.  I lost that part of me that needed all of them to know exactly how I felt about the crack in the sidewalk I just stepped over.

I'm not sure when it happened.  I'm not sure where it went or why it disappeared...

but please, nobody return it to me.


***

This post was written in response to David's question on Weekend Wandering; What's the most important thing you've ever lost?

If you'd like to answer this in a post on your own blog please link back to his Weekend Wandering post and leave him a comment to let him know.