in the quiet...

The night closed in on me.  There was no escape.  No amount of hard work or mindless entertainment could pull my thoughts from the one place they wanted to dwell:

I thought it over and over.

I may have even said it out loud. to myself.  repeatedly.

You see it never occurred to me  that I was alone, lonely, isolated when I was truly alone in my life.  When it was just me and my thoughts.  Back in the day when I was a single gal I was never lonely, but often alone.

After a few years of marriage though....  It's tough to go with out the one you love.

It was Father's Day 2006 and Mr. Kaos had to be at a conference for work...  I was sad, I wanted him here. home. with us.  Home with us was precisely where he couldn't be.  He had a thought though.  A suggestion.  If he couldn't be with us for Father's Day maybe my Father should have the opportunity.

He arranged our tickets, we were to fly out the day before Father's Day.  Go to the Midwest.  Take K to see her Nana and Papa's house for the first time.

We boarded a plane just K and I.  We flew halfway across the country just she and I.  We went home with my parents and things were good.  They were grand.  She was seeing a new place.  Having new experiences.

And I was happy.

Until I went to bed that first night and the next and every night until I came home.  Until I could fall impatiently into his arms.  Until I could sleep with my hand held in his.  Until I could see my husband's eyes and kiss his lips.

I never really knew loneliness until I was lonely for him.

***

This post was written in response to David's question on Weekend Wandering; Have you ever been lonely?

If you'd like to answer this in a post on your own blog please link back to his Weekend Wandering post and leave him a comment to let him know. While you letting people know... leave me a comment to let me know as well... I'd love to see what you have to say.