hope hurts

For someone with such a pessimistic outlook on life... I really am quite the optimist.  I see the very best in my friends and loved ones.  I believe that we can make our lives happy, healthy, better.

But for someone with such an optimistic outlook on life... I really am quite a pessimist.

While my faith in people in my life, in my family, in my immediate world, is strong, my faith in the world isn't always what it could be.

Tonight I watched intently as Barack Obama gave his speech accepting the Democratic nomination for President of the United States and I cried.  I know I'm not the only one, there were teary eyes across the nation.  I'm not ashamed of the tears, of the emotion that was wrenched from me...  but the reason for it stings.

At first I thought I was crying because I was so inspired by this man, by his family.  It took a while but I realized that my tears were selfish.

This is the first time in my 31 years of life that I have seen a political figure who actually moves me.  Someone that I respect.  That I admire.  That inspires me.  That gives me hope.

I don't want that taken away.

I'm afraid that our country, that my fellow citizens will make a mistake and elect another old stuff shirt that sits on his laurels while our country falls to the wolves.  I'm afraid that enough people won't stand up and say "yes we can".

For the first time I'm not just voting for the lesser of the evils.  I'm voting for someone I truly think will give his all to make this country a place I can be proud to raise my child in.

And I'm so afraid to hope and have my heart broken.