babble

black books...

Cami Kaos

Cami Kaos

— 2 min read
I have this black book... no no no, not a little black book, not a little black book full of booty calls and conquests, if one of those ever existed it would be long gone by now. I have this black book. It's big and covered in canvas and made for drawing, sketching really.Now let me tell you, while I fancy myself an artist after a fashion I can't exactly draw. At all. Unless you like uneven stick figures or abstract cats. Or big loopy swirling waves. Give me my laptop and photoshop and a good mouse and I can come up with something... but in my black book, I write.When I'm writing I hate lines on the paper. There is no other way to put it, I hate them. They feel restrictive. Confining. Unwelcoming. I can not write between them.Thus the big black book. I've had many of them over the years. Many many. They litter the shelves and bins of my little office, they are tucked away in storage. Some have been lost, some forgotten, but I've always had a black book to write in.Now I do most of my writing right here. (Or over there, at that table). I sit with my trusty laptop and write until the writing is done. Blah blah blah. Blah blah. Blah. See? I wrote that.But in my black book... well you all haven't seen the places those black books go. Some of them are filled with dark prose and poetry. My poetry, it is always so dark. Why is that? Others have managed to light the corners of the world with their words. Mine seem to put out street lights. Except for the ones about K. But I'm pretty sure they just suck.There are stories of my life I wouldn't share with you. They aren't so bad, they just aren't for writing here. There are tales of Mr. Kaos that would make you laugh. There are tales of K that would make you cry. There are things there that make me cry.There are things that make me realize how human I am. How human we all are.All sealed away in that black book.I just started a new black book. I wrote the first anecdote, tale, drama, what have you, within it's pages. What I am wondering is what is the catch. Where is the filter. What is it that keeps me from writing some things here. Why can I only write them there?Do you have a catch?

Read more