because I'm the very picture of grace...

I'm what some might consider accident prone.  I manage to hurt myself in the most ridiculously mundane situations.  Like a week or two ago when I was walking down the street in sensible shoes on my way to get K from music camp and I slipped on maybe nothing, maybe a patch of leaves, maybe a tiny crack on the sidewalk... who knows.  I fell and landed on my elbow bashed my leg hit my head and scraped up my hands.  I was wearing glasses at the time and they went flying three feet.  As I lay there I realized I was about to be just like Velma in the old Scooby-Doo cartoons.

I was laying in a puddle (it was raining) and crawling on the ground feeling around for my glasses because duh! without my glasses on my face I couldn't see where my glasses were.  That's why I usually wear contacts.

Then yesterday as I was showering and getting ready to record an episode of SLL I was wondering what I should wear.  I was torn between a particular skirt or a pair of jeans I really like.  As I was shaving I managed to take a chunk out of my left leg.  That isn't the amazing part.  The amazing part is that after the first stinging cut I jerked my hand back reflexively with the razor still in it and managed to cut my leg a second time 1/2 and inch up and to the left of the first cut.  Needless to say I wore the jeans.

Skilled.  That's what I am...  But that's not the end of it.  No no no.

Last night after recording I was hungry so as soon as we were through with the interview I put on a pot of rice and started preparing some Tilapia and green beans.  Yummy.  Healthy.  One of our favorite meals.  Everything was fine until I removed the splatter screen from the fish pan and reached in to turn the fillets over.  The olive oil splashed up onto my ring finger.  I jerked the splatter screen back (reflexes again damnit) and burned my shoulder. I have a two inch long mark this morning.  It overlaps one of my tattoos!  I had to sleep with my hair in pig tails last night just so it wouldn't brush up against it because, hello... I burned it and it fucking hurt.

But there are some things I can do without injury...  I can go to a cocktail party have several drinks and not hurt myself once all while wearing 3 inch wooden heels...

Oh wait, no I tripped on a steep incline in a bar cut my toe and fell right into a friends arms...  I guess I really am just a giant klutz.

Except when I'm on walking in the sand of a lovely beach with the ocean licking at my toes.

That's it.  I'm going on vacation.